home movies

i'm spending the day transferring our home movies to dvd which gives me an amazing glimpse into the life of our family. most of the other members of my family hate to watch family movies because they make them sad. but i think it is great that we have this history on video tape to watch.

i understand the sadness i guess. when you are so young, everything seems possible. being older you understand how it feels to be kicked in the teeth a few times and how your dreams change so much from that time. everything we watch on these videos are shadows of what we once were and only indications of what we are now. nothing is quite as it once was, nor should it be.

auld lang syne has a new meaning this year though. with all this talk of family history, i'm told auld lang syne is a tradition with the mcarthur clan. apparently, we sang it at the end of grandma's funeral. i'm a little distressed because i can't, for the life of me, remember that. i think my sadness got in the way. singing this song on new years may be harder than ever before.

i think i upset my mom when i told her i didn't remember. i'm sorry, i just...can't remember.

break is shaping up nicely. i'm learning things i never knew before.