because someone told me to

the start to the school year came and went and i have to say that i barely registered it at all. i've never been less prepared to start classes. i showed up on the first with ten different colored pens, a glue stick, a stapler, three thumb drives and nothing to write on. i imagined i could make paper out of words and thin air. i was only half successful in this endeavor.

this year is different.
well, the actions are so different, the motions are very much identical to any other year. it just feels different. not surprisingly, i have changed leaps and bounds since the first day of college. there's a part of me that enjoys the changes and revels in the new adult i've become. and the othe rpart of me knows that not all of the changes are for the better. some scream bitterness and anger, jealousy and lonliness. in some ways, i feel like a new person just walking across campus for the first time. the people i knew, the ones i had gotten so close with are gone and the ones who remain are busy.

bottom line: i need to get motivated. i have fifty pages of playwriting i must do and that i want to do. i am slowly acquising although i still want to fight. the fight has been taken me out me.

yes, i've changed in a lot of ways but in lot of ways i'm that freshman is highschool who hides in her hooded sweatshirt.

i feel generally not great these days. so, that's why i don't have much to say. nothing that i write down is really good.

i don't think anyone is reading but me anyway. but if you are, don't worry. i'll be back eventually.

the isles

a month ago i left for my first adventure in europe. i only spent two weeks there exploring any and all ancient sites but i already miss it. in my fantasy, i have a loft on the greek isle of mykonos with a type-writer and a sea view. i wake up, eat greek yogurt, wander the isle and spend the day writing and taking in the view. of course, in reality, mykonos is the island where the rich and fabulous play and spend copious amounts of money. i could afford to live and not work there only in my dreams.

but the sunset pulls me in. and it wants me to stay.

bikram

one of the many benefits to living in a town the serves a lot of college students is all the deals you can get on all sorts of goods: discounted tattoos, cheap pizza, and of course deals on various and sundry other items. this week, a group of friends and i decided to take advantage of bikram yoga, five days, as much yoga as we want, twenty bucks.

if you don't know, bikram yoga is a type of yoga that is practiced in a room that is 105 degrees and 40% humidity. ninety minutes of twenty six different poses which all promote digestion, blood flow, and of course flexibility. you burn somewhere between 600 and 1000 calories every ninety minute session.

i have to say that i was very apprehensive when we went into our first session. i've never been one to focus too directly on yoga and i don't do well in the heat. so, you put those two together and i was sure i was in for a disaster. we walked in the studio fifteen minutes early, as per instructions, and were immediately greeted by an intense, tall bald man who could tell from the fear on our faces that we were new students. he had us feel out forms and explained the whole process to us. we were instructed not to speak inside the studio, it's a sacred place. then he laid out the goal for the day: just to stay in the room. it was going to be hot. we were going to get dizzy. we were simply to listen to our bodies and stay in the room.

timidly, the group of us walked into the room without a word and we emerged ninety minutes later completely rejuvenated. in the session, i got dizzy in about ten minutes and spent a lot of the session sitting and yet, it was probably the best workout experience i have ever had. in those ninety minutes you can only concentrate on your body, how it is moving, how you are feeling and nothing else. it is too hot to think of anything but the task at hand. the sort of concentration it takes to work in this space, physically and emotionally is incredibly intense. i watched the sweat drip down my legs and pour from my brow. i don't think i have ever been so proud of the work i have done in a space, and this, of course, is coming from an actor who often works in spaces like this.

the end of the week is almost up. granted we didn't make it all five days. we will have made it four days. i seriously hope i can continue with this in the future. my track record for completing work-out plans is not so great.

namaste.