vying for attention

a couple of days on, a couple of days off.
and at the end of it all i want is the chance to tell my story. i want to be able to tell my point of view. because when you watch the personal, emotional, and mental transition of all those around you, you tend to feel left behind. i'm not sure if anyone actually wants to hear my story but i'm finally at a point where i want to tell it, where i want people to know what makes me tick. well, if they won't give me the chance i'll have to make my own chance. and i'm working on it.

i'm working on a submission for student theatre productions. something i wrote. i want to be given this opportunity so bad that i can feel my hopes rising in my chest. with all that i have, i'm trying to suppress them because i have been so disappointed in the past. hope isn't a bad thing but it does make the fall a bit harder. personally of course, i want this. but on a much larger scale, the motivation for people to produce new works is fading quickly. if your name is not established, no one wants to do your work. what better place to start showcasing new works than in an academic setting? the works of female playwrights are especially looked over. since i haven't been given the chance anywhere else, can't this be the one i get?

but it is a competition, and i [unfortunately] have to be realistic. and if we don't get it, there can be other routes. we must keep that in mind.

writing down how much i want this may hurt me in the end. but i think it is good for the universe to know. and whoever happens to stumble across this blog.