move-in

we've picked a (rough) move date to seattle. well, we picked a week that we are going to move: the week after graduation.
graduation: june 12th
moving to seattle: the week after that.
it's ridiculous and happening very fast. i'm excited to move, to be in a new place and be to back living in an apartment with my two best friends. i'm scared as hell though also. mostly financially. money has always been something i don't deal with very well. and now it seems i'm going to have to. although it is ridiculous, i wish a job would just fall in my lap like my internship did. wouldn't that be lucky? lucky...but unrealistic.

in the meantime, i'm having the same issue i was having before: staying motivated. in fact, as i sit here and type this blog entry watching 30 Rock on instant netflix, i should be writing a draft of my early english comedies paper.

i just
don't wanna.

this day

this day is a day that i hate. the day when lists for classes go up. in most ways, nearly all, this does not effect me in the slightest. i'm not desperately searching for my name on the lists, it doesn't at all change my plans for the future, it doesn't cause me to question my whole existence.

yet...

it is still hard. and to watch someone else fall apart because of a subjective decision making process wrecks my soul. to watch someone question their self worth because of a piece of paper with names on it is awful. it should happen.

in good news, i'll be one of the playwrights for a seattle rep intensive here at western for a week in the summer. i'm looking forward to that.

now...off to performance.

senior status

cassi and i recently went out and shot some senior pictures. they are totally cheesy and look like all senior pictures...and that's why i love them. i think the actually taking of the pictures reminds me that i am for sure about the graduate and enter the world. the next time i take "senior pictures" i will probably be a...person of older age.

anyway, more pictures to come but here is a small sample: http://www.cassigallagher.com/.
(taken of course, by the lovely cassi gallagher - a fantastic photographer and [i am proud to say] my best friend.)

some many events are pointing directly to the world beyond here.

one of those days

today is one of those days were nothing particularly bad happens but i feel like everything is held together with taut string and will soon fall apart.

i'm falling apart.

flashes

dreams are like flashes of things that have been and may be. day dreams are flashes of the past.

emily dickinson makes reminds me:
-the lilac coffin for my grandmother
-i haven't been to chinook in three years. will i ever go back?
-movement in the forward motion, i hope.

music is flashes of specific moments in my history.
-typical situation by dave matthews band places me at a very specific point on the lieutenant michael anderson highway between cheney and spokane. it's summer. i drive with my windows down because i don't have air conditioning.
-the spring awakening soundtrack places me at the corner of 21st and bill mcdonald. it's summer. i'm walking home from giving tours all day.
it seems i have the strongest associations with music and summer. i can feel the heat.

a month and a half left of school. i can do this.