into the teens we go.

i'm in evergreen, colorado getting ready to celebrate a movement into a new decade. yes, technically the decade doesn't start for another year but tonight i'm going to celebrate like the decade starts NOW. we're heading to denver in a couple of hours to go shopping. we're staying at the hyatt downtown and then out tonight. well, with a pit stop at the hotel to beautify and crack open a bottle of champagne. i'm loving life right now!

yesterday i skated on a lake. so...turns out i can't skate. at all. i had to hold on to natalie for dear life while we skating 16 ft from the edge and turn around and skated 16 ft back. especially after all the shit i talked in the car about how i used to be able to skate really well and i'm gonna be so awesome, i really really couldn't skate. the pictures are hilarious and i must have laughed almost constantly.

i'm looking forward to this next year being better than the last two. i think "apocalypse plays" will help. (follow my process with the production here: http://apocalypseplays.blogspot.com)

i don't have any plans for the future currently. i like it that way. anything could happen. and i say "bring it on!"

"the time has come," the walrus said

usually in my trips home to cheney there comes a point in which i don't want to be here any longer. i tend to find this town and spending all my time alone in the house, suffocating and depressing. usually within three days, my family is fighting and all i want to do is get back to places and people who have grown with me the last couple of years. usually.

not this time.

these last couple of weeks have been really nice. my obligations were to no one but myself. i spent my time reading like a maniac, converting home movies from vhs to dvd, and staring at our tree all lit up in the dark. the television was mine, the run of the house was mine and most of the hours were mine. my family got along relatively well also. these couple of weeks seem surreal.

but it is time to go. i'm off to colorado for new year's, a new adventure i'm very excited about. and then back to bellingham to begin my last winter quarter of my undergraduate career.

today, a bunch of us from the old high school gang met up. it was the most fun i've had with this group of people in a long time. i can't remember the last time i felt excited to catch up on everyone's lives. even though the room was filled with laughter and the stories just kept coming, there was a noticeable dark silence hovering over the room. it's only a couple of months since nathan died; it felt like he should be in the room with us. we all miss him but no one said anything. i guess it was implied.

call this post sentimental if you will.

i will see you in 2010.

things i learned...

while watching these dang home movies:
1) 1991 was all about the little mermaid
2) i was(am) a major klutz. any dance recital, soccer game, outdoor race, standing still, i always...no wait ALWAYS fell over.
c) although adorable, i was a shrill obnoxious little girl. but you definitely know how i turned out like i did.
last) i still dance like i did when i was four years old.

that is all.

home movies

i'm spending the day transferring our home movies to dvd which gives me an amazing glimpse into the life of our family. most of the other members of my family hate to watch family movies because they make them sad. but i think it is great that we have this history on video tape to watch.

i understand the sadness i guess. when you are so young, everything seems possible. being older you understand how it feels to be kicked in the teeth a few times and how your dreams change so much from that time. everything we watch on these videos are shadows of what we once were and only indications of what we are now. nothing is quite as it once was, nor should it be.

auld lang syne has a new meaning this year though. with all this talk of family history, i'm told auld lang syne is a tradition with the mcarthur clan. apparently, we sang it at the end of grandma's funeral. i'm a little distressed because i can't, for the life of me, remember that. i think my sadness got in the way. singing this song on new years may be harder than ever before.

i think i upset my mom when i told her i didn't remember. i'm sorry, i just...can't remember.

break is shaping up nicely. i'm learning things i never knew before.

staying up late to watch success stories

these couches are my shackles that i wear all too willingly. but i need a success story. one of my own.

all of those dreams seem like lifetimes ago.

cheneyland sounds like a song title

i'm in cheney for three weeks. then i'll be in colorado. then begins a quarter that i hope, i hope, will be memorable for a grand reason. (the last two years worth of quarters i can't say the same thing of.) i'm actually really happy to be home for awhile. i have goals even, to keep myself from being bored the whole time. here they are:
- work-out some
- work on STP contracts
- work on draft of "Apocalypse Plays"
- second draft of the play "Dawn"
- read a couple books
- read "miracle worker" and find a monologue to audition for it with
- bake
- eat
- hang out with brotha
- communication project for work
- CHRISTMAS.

as i type out the list, i realize it is much fuller than i thought. i have no excuse this break. i need to stay busy because i have things to get done.

this tension in my shoulders is almost unbearable. so another thing to the list: relax.

p.s. does anyone want to pay me to blog? i don't use capital letters usually, but i'm pretty good with grammar. and i like to blog. and i like some dollars.

i want to paint on my walls

well we got one. a level two...at some point next quarter in some place. i know i should only be excited because i'll get to show the work, my work, and i'll get to preform again. but i can't help but be a little disappointed because what usually happens happened again: shafted for something flashier and in favor of someone who has already had more opportunities. once we have a definite plan, a definite space, a definite set of dates i'll be excited. i'll be so ready.

my level of expectation was too high so of course there is a bit of a let down.

i'm such a baby.

on a different note: i want to join a bluegrass band. or be a welder. or something else. all of this just seems too hard all of a sudden. or maybe i'm not cut out for it.
i want to drop out of school and join the roller disco.
i want to be the poet laureate.

i just...really wanted this. and now? now i don't know what i want.