lapped

it's getting close to the final "good-byes" or "see-you-soon's" or "(insert cliche here)." everyday is a labored step to this finish line. a finish line a lot of people i know have already crossed and i'm still a lap behind. yes, i started further away but that doesn't mean i don't wish i had someone running with me. i'm trying to stay motivated for this last year and i guess i will be when school starts up again.

nothing turns out like you expect it is going to. i should know that by now. it seems that this is the lesson that i have to relearn all the time.

my brother moved out of my parent's house today. or has started the move. so when i go home to visit in september, he won't be there anymore. my mom speaks of a little pain in her heart. she says it was there when i left for college, when grandma died and now, with matt moving. i feel it too. with everyone else moving, with these mountains that grew before me.

there is a reason i won't say good-bye. only good-luck.

new direction

when i started out this blog was going to be all about my journey as a writer. well, as an actor/writer posing as just a writer/writer. as i kept posting (those two whole times) i realized that my process is so internalized that it is hard to write out how i write. instead, that process will remain personal and in part, secret, with glimpses here and there. how i get to where i get isn't as important as what i get when i am done. i think the actual product is more interesting, in this case, than how i got there. and since i don't have an end product in mind, the process for achieving something that is actually unknown at this point is quite discombobulated. i will leave you out of my complicated psyche and instead talk about myself. what joy. what rapture. i'm sure you are already captivated.

many changes are coming up and i think changing this blog is a good way to begin to deal with said changes. it's a step anyway. and i'll take it.